THE MAN WHO MISTOOK HIS WIFE FOR A BAT

                (tanouye)



                INT. HOUSE - DAY

                A WOMAN walks through the front door of a house,
                returning home. She sets her bag on the floor. Her
                HUSBAND runs into the room with a tennis racquet.

                                      HUSBAND
                          Oh! Get out! Get out!

                He swings the tennis racquet at her.

                                      WOMAN
                          Ted, what are you doing?

                                      HUSBAND
                          Oh no! A talking bat! Get out!

                He swings the tennis racquet some more. Then he and his
                wife freeze in place. OLIVER SACKS enters.

                                      OLIVER SACKS
                          Hello. I'm noted author and neorologist
                          Oliver Sacks. This man suffers from a
                          disorder wherein he cannot tell the
                          difference between his wie and a bat.

                He turns back to the couple. They resume moving again,
                the husband swinging his tennis racquet at his wife.

                                      HUSBAND
                          How did this bat get into our house?

                                      WOMAN
                          I'm not a bat, I'm your wife.

                                      HUSBAND
                                (seeing Oliver Sacks)
                          Oh no, a tiger!

                He throws the tennis racquet at Oliver Sacks.

                                      OLIVER SACKS
                          It appears he also cannot tell the
                          difference between me, Oliver Sacks, and
                          a tiger. The human mind is a remarkable
                          thing.

                The man tackles Oliver Sacks.

                                      HUSBAND
                          Shut up, tiger. Help me get rid of this
                          bat.

                                      WOMAN
                          I'm not a bat, I'm your wife. And why is
                          Oliver Sacks in hour house?

                                      OLIVER SACKS
                          I'm studying the human brain.

                                      WOMAN
                          Get out of our house!

                                      OLIVER SACKS
                          Fine. I can tell when I'm not wanted.

                Oliver Sacks struggles away from the husband and leaves.

                                      HUSBAND
                          Damn it, now that the tiger's gone, I'm
                          never going to get rid of this bat.

                A bat flies in through the window.

                                      HUSBAND (CONT'D)
                                (to bat)
                          Honey! Help me get rid of this bat!

                He points at his wife.

                                      BAT
                          Eeeeeeeeee! Screeech!

                The husband turns to the camera.

                                      HUSBAND
                                (re: the bat)
                          My wife is kind of crazy. She mostly
                          comes out at night and I think she has
                          sonar. Oh, and she can fly!

                Blackout.